Red Wings lost. How could I blog?

Red Wings lost. How could I blog?

Mr. Cruise, Helly Farts

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I doubt this is real, but thanks for promoting farting and laughing. It just seemed a little too on cue for him. Tom is not fat enough for that. What do you think?
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Mr. Cruise, Helly Farts

Sarah Palin v. David Letterman . Dun, Dun, Dunnnnnnnnn

Come on now...

“What a commentary there,” Palin said of the comment during an interview on conservative host John Ziegler’s Los Angeles-based radio show. “That’s pretty pathetic, good ole David Letterman.”

But, on exclusively on FnL, You can hear her response.



Was it that pathetic? Did he say anything about Autism? Are adults that live in the public eye fair game? Do you think Palin is still the most inarticulate Governor? The comment about her going for a "slutty flight attendant" look might have been overboard. However, she should write her thoughts down, in my opinion.

We don't make the calls, we just ask the questions. Please, give us your take!
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Sarah Palin v. David Letterman . Dun, Dun, Dunnnnnnnnn

Veteran Imposter a.k.a. Sergeant Swagga Jacka

Wow, I know the truth hurts, how bad do lies feel? Is this the part where you told America that you shot down the 5th 9/11 plane with the only bullet in a musket you had at your hunting cabin in rural Marland, b/c your grandfather was in the Civil War...

Rick Strandlof, you IGNORANT BASTARD!

How can you fake being a war veteran, are you serious kid? If my pops, an actual veteran of more wars than this [Rick] guy has balls, was still alive, HE WOULD KICK YOUR ARSE RICK!

You suck because you did not even google your lies. The Naval Academy is not in DC, ass. You weren't in the Pentagon on 9/11, ass. Your only mental illness is mental retardation; I'm not sure if it is appropriate to call you an ass for that one, LSD might be to blame. It made me think I was in a war once, but I did not wake up a war vet.

Actually, I'm going to go with 'Meth' on this one, not LSD.

So, I hear you raised a little money for homeless veterans. Also, you raised a litle bit of money for homeless you, how inspiring.

Hey kids, you can skip JROTC and lie about fighting in a war, based on the information you almost got from your teacher but you skipped, so the story eventually won't make sense.

I could take this blog in a rather serious direction about the tradition and honor of the uniforms, but I'd rather elaborate on the orange jumpsuit you are about to wear, ass (I don't say that enough). Mainly, because you never wore the honorable uniform, you just said you did. Anways, check out some famous orange jumpsuits, and possible Soap-Drop Predators.

Before "they" take your cookies Rick, the will bake in a pan made by her, Martha Stewart.

The picture is B&W, but the jumpsuit is completely orange. Promise. Shyne gets out soon...

Remember me? I used to be a brillian actor, then I took a "coke-recess." Post-prison, rehab, I am, once again, a brilliant actor.

Get it bastard! You will be in jail, then you will get released and lie. It's what you do, and I don't hate . But, c'mon man, lie about being smart or something beleivable.

OOOORAH! Wait, do you even know what hat means?

Veteran Imposter a.k.a. Sergeant Swagga Jacka

Ten Worst Things in Existence

A couple years ago, my friends Jordan and Luke spent the week coming up with certain top 10 lists. Since they have exited from the Top 10 list-creating industry, I thought I would give it a whirl. While watching a fork lift today, I realized how much cool stuff there is in the world. From there I tried to think of the Top 10 Coolest Things in Existance. When that failed, I made this list of the Top 10 Worst Things in Existance.

10) First Class Seating. Because rich people cannot be out of their comfort zone of wealth for more than 3 hours at a time.

9) Blogs in which people update about their days. Because no one really cares. At all.

8) Infomercials at 3 a.m. Because no one really needs a 9 piece knife set that can cut through iron pipes.

7) The 9 piece knife set that can cut through iron pipes. Because of you, half-sleeping individuals know for a fact they are going to need to slice their way out of a metal box one day. See also: super-grinding blender, Tony Little’s Gazelle.

6) Seat belt laws. Because these are in existence as a result of the lack of better judgment of human beings.

5) Whatever the hell this is.

4) The Atomic Bomb. Because America gets what America wants.

3) The Electoral College. Because it doesn’t matter if more people vote for someone, flawed systems are more fun.

2) SUVs. Because no one thought gas prices would rise again.

And the number one worse thing in existence:

1) Fox News. Because not only do they say whatever they want, but people actually believe what they say.

Ten Worst Things in Existence

Thinking about writing.

So somebody gave me a compliment on my last blog telling me it was a good stream of consciousness. This is a high compliment to me because I try to write this stuff like I talk, which is hard because none of the stuff ever gets said out loud.

Then I got to thinking, in order for something to be a “good stream of consciousness” the individual writing must not be thinking about making it a stream of consciousness, or else it will seem forced. If something is not coming from the conscious, there are only two possible locations from which it could come.


One possibility is from the unconscious, but I think that is unlikely because I’d be passed out on the keyboard and this post would read something like this:

acilnnirccccuashfjkdlcabbyuoweuinfdklashfueiowqhfeihfasiud
fbdsafgyuerfguiudspoafwioerjb4b4tfuckfdjklahdfudygfdifhjkd
ashfdsfuisdaofdksafdljdklafjkldsnfjifhudhfujklfdopaodkfmfm

I actually rolled my head around on the keyboard to produce that string of text and somehow “fuck” still ended up in the middle of it all. That’s a sign.

The other possible, and more probable option is that a stream of consciousness comes from the sub-conscious. So this means that in writing a stream of consciousness, it must come from the sub-conscious, thereby invalidating the name. It should rightfully be called a stream of sub-conscious (ness?).

But some English maker decided to call it the stream of consciousness. What was their logic?


If they follow the same rules of English as the author of the following note (actual excerpt from facebook), then I can see where the term came from.

"Ok I guess I need to one of these even so often to remind you, WHO FUCK I AM…All I am saying dont fuck forget who I am….No if you fuck me over and/do wrong by me I make sure dont do it again and I promise that people been calling me crazy for years I will show you why I am truly crazy. BTW I AM TRUE BELIEVER IN THE IDEA OF FUCK SAYING FUCK THEY FEELINGS!!"

Yeah! You tell ‘em.

I just realized that in trying to write a stream of consciousness from my sub-conscious, I messed up and made it sound forced. Oh the irony. Stay tuned for my next sub-conscious post.

Thinking about writing.

Hugs Twenty-Five Cents, Sucka!

Listen here! I am an entrepreneur, and I don't do this for free. I'm slangin' hugs, take em', or leave em. They are currently valued at....

That's pretty clear. If you request a hug, and you're hard to reach, it's going to run you a bit more.

However, if you are hot.... It's all good.

Hugs Twenty-Five Cents, Sucka!

This is Overdue!, better late than never....

This is Overdue!, better late than never....

More Mitch, this is some of the great...

More Mitch, this is some of the great...