Showing posts with label Swine Flu. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Swine Flu. Show all posts

Thursday, April 30, 2009

I Now Have the Swine Flu! a.k.a. Influenza A subtype Virus H1N1

KARMA!

See my post a few days before? Making fun of the CDC and it's declaration of pandemics. Well, Don't Like It! In fact, don't even scroll down there; you might get the flu...

Not just any flu, the swine flu. I figured if I blogged about how real the epidemic is [It's very very Real!], the pig God's will forgive me. Furthermore I will like to apologize to following pigs:

I owe this to you and Kermit. I'm sorry for calling you ugly, your voice annoying, and the fact that til today at 9:00 p.m. I consider your character totally pointless.


Honestly, you look like you are waiting to hear me say sorry. Sneaky motha-shut-yo-mouth! I'm sorry for accusing you of taking 'it' under the ole' coil from Christopher-Robin. Also, I actually like your over-sized ears (*they go well with your tiny body*), and your male one-piece swimsuit is not homo-**, I never even considered that you could be an Olympic swimmer.


OK Mr Ross, I admit, I may have been wrong about your species. But, if you are not really an Everglade Boar, you're awfully close. I am really sorry for the misunderstanding. Could you please talk to your now-distant cousins about keeping the illness amongst themselves. Again, sorry for the pig allegations...

Now Bloggers/Blog Readers, I must go. I need to heal. I just hope that the Pig God's consider my apologies and condolocences. The Fart and Laugh blog cannot last if I am sick/dead/quarantined with hill-billies, Mexicans, and the aforementioned notable pigs. I will be killed. My only advice is to avoid riding planes, cars, trains, buses, horses, sluts, and bikes. Is that everything? Ok, good... Also, don't go inside, that's how I got it. I WENT INSIDE. So stay outside, perhaps, under a tree. Pigs hate trees. Avoid piggly-wigglys in the South, avoid very obese men in the North. And if rains, take that as an opportunity to rinse off all your bacon grease, swine grine, oinkment etc... Be resourceful, Be American an please, please, please DON'T GO INSIDE!

p.s. Paris Hilton appears to be infected as well.

**sapien, of course!
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Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Bird Flu, Swine Flu..... What's next?

OK, every time someone gets sick while abroad, someone from the CDC names the illness the [Insert Animal] flu. It's simple and I am sick of it. If I catch a cold in out in Zambouki, they are gonna tell me I have the hippo flu...



I ain't buyin' it, because I don't kiss Hippos. No one kisses Hippos - the most friendly looking animals, with the softest name [Hippo] - are the most dangerous in all of Africa. Ain't that some crazy bs... But that's not the point, the point is people don't kiss Hippos. I know this because White people don't kiss Hippos! If white people don't kiss 'em, no one does. I promise. Except that one African that lives among them and is embraced by the pack, because he is a Disney Movie Character.

I also hate how they never get straight to the point for the public. Bird Flu, instead of Chicken Wing Flu?.... I don't get it. Swine Flu, instead of Bacon and Ribs Flu? W.T.F. What could they call the Hippo Flu?

I usually don't eat much Hippo either, so I don't see how I could contract the Hippo Flu. But, I know if I tell customs I'm sick 'Hippo' Flu would be the Diagnosis...

AYE!
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